Forgive Yourself Before You Decide

-

 

Layoffs, Breakups, Divorce, Career Shifts and the Weight of Control

Some decisions come with a known cost before they are made. Layoffs affect people’s income and stability. Breakups and divorce change relationships and family dynamics. Career shifts alter time, focus, and financial direction. Reducing time with family introduces real tradeoffs. In all of these situations, the decision itself is usually clear. The hesitation comes from trying to manage everything that will happen after it.




One of the pillars of my Paint It Red Philosophy is the control bias.  The focus is on separating what you can control from what you cannot. When that separation is ignored, you start taking responsibility for outcomes that are outside your influence, and that is what creates the weight.

Across all of these decisions, the pattern is consistent. You can control the decision, the reasoning behind it, and how you communicate it. You cannot control how others react, how they interpret it, or how long it takes them to process it. Trying to control both sides leads to delay and inconsistency.

In business, this shows up with layoffs. Leaders delay necessary reductions because they want to avoid the immediate impact. During that delay, the situation often worsens. Financial pressure increases, uncertainty spreads, and the eventual decision becomes larger and more disruptive.

In relationships, the same thing happens with breakups and divorce. When a situation is no longer aligned, delaying the decision does not pr
otect anyone. It extends the problem, creates more frustration, and often leads to a worse outcome than if it had been handled directly.


Career shifts follow a similar pattern. Trying to maintain everything while moving in a new direction usually results in diluted focus. The attempt to preserve all current commitments slows progress and creates unnecessary tension.

The issue in all cases is the same. There is an expectation that the decision can be made without disruption. That is not realistic. These decisions involve tradeoffs by definition. Trying to remove the tradeoffs creates more complexity, not less.

I have carried the weight of that indecisiveness in the past. I spent too much time thinking about how decisions would land with others, trying to soften the impact or gain alignment before acting. Over time, I learned that letting the opinions of others dictate the timing or direction of necessary change only makes the situation worse. It does not mean I don’t have a heart. It means I understand the difference between caring about people and trying to control their response.

Forgiving yourself in advance is about recognizing the boundary between responsibility and control. Your responsibility is to make a sound decision, consider the long-term impact for yourself, and communicate it clearly. You are not responsible for managing every reaction or outcome that follows.

When that boundary is clear, decisions become more direct. Communication is cleaner. Execution is more consistent. The situation may still be difficult, but it is contained.

Focus on what is yours to own, and make the decision clean.

Chris Ortiz. Authors Website. Click Here



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Same Problems Same Opprotunities: Why Leadership Still Matters

-
Image
  Leadership is supposed to drive progress but too often, it becomes the very thing holding companies back. Many leaders unintentionally create bottlenecks, micromanage, or operate in constant crisis mode. The result? Teams stuck in the same cycle of problems, year after year. The first step to fixing this is awareness. Once you can recognize unproductive patterns in yourself or others, you can start to change them. The Leadership DEFCON Scale Think of leadership like a DEFCON readiness level. Some leaders live at DEFCON 1. Everything is a crisis, all the time. Others operate at DEFCON 5, too hands-off until it is too late. The best leaders know when to step in (DEFCON 3) and when to trust their teams to handle things. Balance is key. 5 Traits That Derail Leaders Here are five common patterns that show up across industries and teams: 1.      The Overcomplicator : Adds layers of meetings, steps, and processes instead of focusing on simple, clear solutio...
Read more

Same Problems, Same Opportunities: Why Leadership Still Matters

-
Image
In nearly every industry, company, and role, the same frustrations keep popping up: missed targets, disengaged teams, inconsistent results, and improvement plans that never seem to stick. Despite new tools, new hires, and endless strategies, many leaders still face the same problems they’ve been fighting for years. The real issue? Leadership. Breaking Through E-Book. Available on Kindle. Click Here Leadership is the constant variable. Processes, personnel, and tools may change, but without strong leadership, the same issues resurface. Leaders shape the culture, set the tone for accountability, and create the systems that either drive performance. That’s where the Process–People–Product model comes in. It’s a practical framework that shifts focus back to what truly matters: Process : Create clear, repeatable systems that remove guesswork and chaos. People : Develop and empower the team to execute those systems. Product : Let results emerge naturally from the ...
Read more

Hiring Smarter: Two Pillars That Make the Difference

-
Image
  Hiring isn’t just about filling a role. It’s about choosing who gets to influence the team, shape the culture, and either reduce complexity or add to it. A resume may show skills, but the right hire shows signs of ownership, simplicity, and sound judgment. In the Paint It Red Philosophy there are two pillars stand out when it comes to hiring decisions: The Rake Theory and The Five Closest People. Pillar 2: The Rake Theory Some people unintentionally create problems that slow down progress. They overthink simple tasks, avoid responsibility, or introduce unnecessary steps. These are self-made obstacles or “rakes.” And once they’re dropped in the middle of a process, someone’s going to step on them. When hiring, it’s critical to spot these behaviors early. Ask questions that reveal how a candidate handles failure or pressure. Listen for signs of accountability. If someone always has an excuse or a vague explanation for past setbacks, that’s a sign they may carry rakes into you...
Read more