Three Key Starting Points for Real Change

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Excerpt from: Full Buckets Full Life: How to Keep What Matters Most from Running Empty

By

Chris Ortiz

 

We often mistake endurance for character, convincing ourselves that constant struggle is just the price of admission for a "normal" life. But there is a massive difference between a life you are building and a life you are simply surviving. Real change doesn’t start with a new habit or a better schedule; it starts with a fundamental shift in what you are willing to tolerate. To move forward, you must first recognize that you deserve better, stop normalizing your limitations, and grant yourself the non-negotiable gift of forgiveness.


1. Deserving of Something Better

Too many people stay stuck simply because they have convinced themselves that struggle is normal, or worse, that they do not deserve more. We say things like, “This is the my normal, and it starts to feel like ‘just how life is.”

I say B.S. You are allowed to want better. You are allowed to raise your standards. You are allowed to build a life that feels good instead of one you just survive. Wanting more does not make you ungrateful. It means you are waking up. It means you are finally recognizing that fulfillment is not something you earn by suffering. It is something you claim by realigning with the life you are working to get. Deserving is the foundational element to improving your life. If you cannot look in the mirror, love who you see, and know you deserve better… well, you will not get it.

2. Don’t Normalize Limitations

Be careful what you start calling normal. It is easy to adapt to dysfunction if it is all you have known. But just because something is common does not mean it is healthy. Working at a job you hate, feeling disconnected in your relationships, and being tired all the time. These things might be “normal” for a lot of people, but they are not natural. They are not inevitable. You do not have to build your life around limitations. You do not have to shrink yourself to fit into systems or relationships that no longer serve you. Recognizing a pattern is the first step. Challenging it is the second.

3. Forgiveness

This one is non-negotiable. You must forgive yourself for the decisions you have made up to this point. The ones that cost you time, peace, money, or relationships. You did the best you could with what you knew. And even if you did not, you are still human. Carrying shame does not make you stronger. It just keeps you stuck.

Looking in the rearview mirror takes your eyes off what is in front of you. And what is in front of you is progress. The only way to build what is next is to stop punishing yourself for what is already done. You also must forgive yourself for the decisions you are about to make. The ones that will create discomfort for others. Because if you are serious about change, some of that change is going to inconvenience, hurt, or disappoint people around you.

Not everyone will understand your shift. Some may feel rejected, confused, or even angry. But this is your life. Not theirs. You do not owe anyone the version of you that kept them comfortable but kept you miserable. Let that go. Do not focus on sunk cost. It is easy to get caught in the trap of staying where you are simply because of how much time, energy, or emotion you have already invested. You tell yourself, “I’ve come this far,” or “I’ve put too much into this to walk away now.”

If all that effort still has you spinning your wheels, maybe it is not working. And I am not saying quit every time things get hard. Growth takes work. Discomfort is part of the process. What I’m talking about is that moment after you have given your best, tried every option, had every conversation, and nothing has shifted. Its fear disguised as loyalty. Cutting your losses is not failure. It is a calculated move. And sometimes, it is the only move that sets you free.

At some point, you must stop judging your life solely by appearances or by whether you followed the “right” script. The real question is simpler: What are your results telling you? Are your relationships healthy? Do you feel energized or drained? Are you financially stable or constantly stressed? Do you feel connected to your life, or are you just going through the motions? Your outputs will always tell the truth eventually. Make the change.  You have one life.


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